Once upon a time there were five little sparrows. These little sparrows loved to make Belgian waffles out of human blood. So one day they decided to make some waffles and went in search of a suitable human. They flew far and narrow because they were sparrows and kept aloft by some crack cocaine jam. Until they stumbled upon a large crowd of people. They swooped down with sharp precision slashing throats and goats and ropes and toads until there was not a dry spot on the ground. Then they took their buckets and sponges and soaked up all the blood to make their special waffles. One of the five sparrows flew ahead of the rest for he was entrusted with heating up the iron while the others flew laden with blood. So when they arrived back at the nest and the iron was hot there was a furious mixing and sifting. Little did the butcherous birds know that satan had been among the slaughtered crowd and their waffles would have an extra bitter taste. They began cooking and a drop of the mix fell into the fire then another and another and out of the fire came the godless drippy droppy a formless dark spirit of malevolent fury bent on the destruction of all who make waffles on a Tuesday.

-Chaos Phil

Don’t forget to eat your vegetables.