One Thing or Another is a column about life, aging, and the absurdities of it all. 

Midlife Waist Land 

By Mark McNease
Narration provided by Wondervox.

Since this column was first written we’ve seen a revolution in weight loss with the introduction and rapid spread of GLP-1 drugs. I’ve been using one myself for awhile now and I’ve lost 30 pounds. Will they change America’s obesity epidemic, or be another disappointment when we finally stop using them—if we ever do? Only time and affordability will tell. Stay tuned for the long-term side effects.

Whether or not you think your 60s still count as midlife (who doesn’t anticipate celebrating their 120th birthday wheezing out a single candle on a grocery store cake, flanked by an anxious home health aide and an impatient funeral director), the fact remains that age and width are proportionate for most of us. Not all of us, of course. There are those among us who insist they’re only as old as they feel, despite sharp disagreement from titanium hips and birth certificates. You know who you are: you swear by kale smoothies, you’ve never met an elliptical you didn’t want to mount, and you start each day by posting life-affirming platitudes on social media.