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After 20 years together, it’s natural for life’s busyness—kids, careers, aging parents—to shift your relationship into autopilot. One partner may be perfectly content with the routine, while the other is craving excitement, novelty, and more shared laughter. So, how do you navigate this difference without creating unnecessary conflict?

In this Dear Katie episode, I respond to a listener who loves their long-term marriage but wants to feel that “spark” again. I share why stability is both a gift and a potential buzzkill, how to have the conversation without your partner feeling attacked, and five creative, realistic ways to inject fun, connection, and adventure back into your relationship—without overhauling your entire life.

Whether you’re the one craving change or the one content with the comfort of routine, this episode will help you find a healthy balance that honors both of your needs.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why wanting more excitement doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble
• How stability can be both a comfort and a creativity-killer
• The “monster” of quiet resentment—and how to stop it before it grows
• How to talk about your needs without triggering defensiveness
• 5 practical, fun, and low-cost ways to bring novelty back into your relationship
• Strategies for finding a compromise when one of you resists change

5 Ways to Reignite the Spark (From the Episode):

1. Try Something New Together – Step outside your comfort zones for fresh adventures.
2. Revisit Old Hobbies – Bring back activities you loved when you first met.
3. Create a Couples Bucket List – Plan new experiences you both look forward to.
4. Switch Up Your Date Nights – Break the dinner-and-movie routine.
5. Unplug for a Weekend – Reconnect without the distractions of daily life.

Relationship Game Plan Call

Free Conversation Starter Cards for Couples

Couples Goal Setting Workbook

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